G-Beauty 的部落格

婚後6大地雷 男人別亂踩！
男人與女人能結為夫妻是前世修來的緣分，但若想維持良好的婚姻關係，

雙方必須付出一定的努力。



編譯／吳宇凡

婚姻關係中，男人常常不經意犯下讓女人產生負面情緒的錯誤，

長時間積累未獲解決、改善，恐怕會危及婚姻的幸福美滿。

美國健康醫療網WebMD 提供了6種男人婚後常犯的錯誤，

男人們趕緊看過來，好好記住，不要搞不清楚女人為什麼陰晴不定，

又刮風打雷了！

1.不用心經營婚姻關係

美國心理學家艾爾伯．馬斯羅（Albert Maslow）表示，任何關係中，

專心投入是最重要的。馬斯羅說：「女人希望她們的感覺可以被了解和被認可，

而男人必須發掘這種感覺才行。」

男人比較實際，不那麼感性，遇事容易陷入直接針對問題解決，

但這是錯的。例如：老婆說她感覺被冷落了，她想要表達的是她的感受，

而不是要老公分析這件事的前因後果。

2.先斬後奏就愛亂花錢

凡德豪斯（Vanderhorst）表示，沒和老婆商量就花一大筆錢買車

，這是大忌。女人認為這種事情的嚴重性僅次於不忠，

是導致婚姻破裂的第二大錯誤，但男人卻常犯這種錯誤。

3.不懂得營造浪漫氣氛

馬斯羅指出：「讓自己的另一半感受被愛和被需要，

對女人而言是很根本的，年長的男人比年輕的男人了解這一點。」

對女人而言，情感的聯繫比性還重要。

營造浪漫氛圍讓女人感覺被愛、被呵護。

4.女人要的不只是傾聽

傾聽不表示女人提出困擾時，不斷點頭附和，

然後替她想方設法解決問題就夠。凡德豪斯說，男人喜歡就事論事，

但保證這會讓另一半氣得跳腳。

因為女人最想要的其實是當自己把困擾講出來後，

男人能投入談話氣氛中。所以男人別只想當英雄解決問題，

只要表露出對女人的話題感興趣就可以了。

凡德豪斯強調：「正確的傾聽可以建立彼此積極的情感聯繫。」

5.隱藏感受或脆弱一面

男人花時間傾聽另一半的心聲，但也別忘了適時表達自己的感受。

許多男人認為他們需要隱藏自己的感受或是脆弱的一面，但這是錯的。

馬斯羅說：「男人不與另一半分享自己的感受，很容易讓老婆感覺被孤立。

當老公沉默寡言時，老婆會覺得老公彷彿要離開自己一般。」

6.大男人主義主導一切

身為男人並不代表居於主導地位，許多男人不了解這一點。

馬斯羅表示：「男人用主導地位得到他們要的，

但不代表可以對另一半做出不合理的要求或下命令。」

「男人常常把自己放在主導地位，這對夫妻關係有害無益。

夫妻關係應該是互補互惠，互相扶持和照料。

表現自我的最佳方式不是一個獨立個體，而是與他人建立互動關係。」

常有人說夫妻「因誤會而結合，因了解而分開。」

夫妻間的爭執往往起因於生活中的細節。真正體認夫妻相處之道，

互相了解並懂得包容對方的錯誤，才能讓夫妻感情更加甜蜜。

◇
文章引用自:
http://www.epochtw.com/12/6/1/193940.htm

6 Marriage Mistakes for Men

Men, we don’t mean to nag, but you may be making mistakes

that risk ruining your marriage. In fact, if you are a typical man,

you are likely making several, and making them often.

Don’t believe us? Ask your wife. Now, before you get all defensive,

this isn't about blame.

These aren't ridiculous relationship mistakes -- they're the

subtle things that you might not even know you're doing.

And changing these habits could make a big difference

to your wife -- and that can only be good for you.


Recognizing these mistakes and making efforts to correct them

will not only help your marriage, it may also help your health

-- and that of your spouse.

Over time, negative feelings in a relationship that

aren't addressed can lead to physical and psychological problems,

says Silver Spring, Md.-based psychologist Gloria Vanderhorst, PhD.

“Stress develops in the relationship for each partner,

though for different reasons,” she says.

“Typically by the time that a couple comes into treatment

this stress has triggered anxiety or depression in one or both of them.”

Below are several common mistakes that men make with their wives,

how to recognize them, and – most important – what you can do

to correct them.
1. Not showing empathy.

Empathy is the most important part of any relationship,

says psychologist Albert Maslow, PhD. It’s the ability to recognize

and share someone else’s feelings. And it’s something that,

in general, women are better at than men.

“Women want their feelings to be understood and validated,”

says Maslow, who has a private practice in Crozet, Va.

“Men have to discover this.”

Rather than simply listening, though, men tend to go into fix-it mode.

That’s a mistake.

“If your wife tells you she feels ignored, for example,

at that moment what she wants is for you to understand

her feelings rather than talk about the facts,” Maslow says.
2. Reckless spending.

Making big purchases such as buying a car without

first consulting your wife is a huge no-no, Vanderhorst says.

In fact, she ranks it second only to infidelity

when it comes to marriage-busting mistakes.

And, she says, “Men tend to do it a lot.”

Why? Consciously or unconsciously, men frequently

assign themselves the leadership role in the relationship.

That, too, is a mistake, Vanderhorst says.

“A couple’s relationship is a shared leadership position,” she says.
3. Being sexually selfish -- or clueless.

In the bedroom, men forget – or, worse, haven’t figured out

– that their wives often need more than they do to get turned on,

Maslow says.
“Affection, making her feel loved and needed -- that’s basic for her

to feel aroused,” Maslow says. “Older men usually catch on,

but young men are especially unaware of this.”

Vanderhorst says turning a woman on begins well

before the lights go down.

“Men perceive sex as a sufficient means of being close,

of having a connection,” she says.

“But women want a connection prior to having sex.”
4. Listening the wrong way.

Listening does not mean nodding along as your wife explains

what is bothering her, all the while thinking up ways to fix the problem.

“Men tend to analyze situations and generate options,”

Vanderhorst says.

“That’s guaranteed to make your wife go ballistic.”

What she most often wants is to talk things out,

and she wants you to be actively engaged in the conversation,

not by trying to be the hero and save the day,

but by demonstrating an interest in what she is saying

and caring about what she is experiencing emotionally,

Vanderhorst says.

“This is not passive,” she says.

“Listening to establish a connection is an active process.”
5. Shelving your feelings.

Listening to your wife talk about her feelings is essential.

So is talking about your own.

Many men, however, think they need to hide their feelings

or risk being seen as weak. That’s a mistake.

Not sharing your emotions can be a real downer for your wife, Maslow says.

“The woman feels like she’s missing a close connection that

she wants with her husband. When he’s withdrawn,

she feels like he is leaving her.”

Maslow acknowledges that getting men to open up can be difficult,

but he also says it shows strength.

“Growing up, a man learns that he can’t let others

know when he’s scared. But opening up is taking a risk,

and that takes courage.”
6. Going on a power trip.

Being a man does not mean being in charge – many men don’t get that.

“That’s one of the mistakes men often make,” Maslow says.

“They try to get what they want by being dominant.

But it’s not about making demands or trying to
overpower her. Women will pull away from that.”

Vanderhorst agrees. She says that the “power position”

that men often put themselves in essentially negates the relationship,

which must be reciprocal, supportive, and caring.

“Our best selves emerge in the context of our

relationships with others and not as an independent entity,” she says.

文章引用自:
http://men.webmd.com/features/marriage-mistakes-men